Thursday, October 21, 2010

Not sure I care anymore... sorry. SOS?

I don't care about my health. Who wants to live forever anyway, lol. If I die with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other, I'll be going out happy. I'm so BORED and just feel so empty and "not-myself" trying to be healthy. None of it comes naturally to me, and i don't feel like I fit in anywhere with "that world." The things that make me happy are booze and ponies and yes, cigarettes. Feeling too depressed to even cry tonight, just more of an 'I don't give a F---' about anything mood. I'm TRYING to fight it. I went to the store earlier and bought a new Bruce Springsteen album with some tracks on it that I've never heard before because that also has the potential to cheer me up, and I felt something stir inside. But mostly, I just want to smoke to kill the time because everything is boring and empty without my cigarettes. I'll never be good enough at the things I love for this world. Sorrry. This was a challenge at first, but now I'm just tired

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