Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Trading one addiction for another?

I was just wondering if anyone ever found that when they quit smoking they traded one addiction for another? I was anorexic for about 10 years and then recovered almost 4 years ago. Lately, though, since i quit, I've been more motivated than ever to lose weight. It relieves my anxiety and it's the one thing in my life that I feel like I can actually do "right." I have no control over whether my writing sells or whether I get a job... but I can lose weight. I was aiming for a healthy weight of 125 pounds at 5'4 which I am quickly approaching but now the more desperate part of my mind is saying that 88 pounds is best because when I was 88 pounds I was REALLY thin and had actually succeeded at something. Lately I feel like a loser in my personal life and just want to be able to do something right and losing weight is all I know how to do, but I know if I get back down to 88 pounds i'll just end up in the hospital again and spend more time being sick but damn it... I don't

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