I Hate this:(

Seriously how can I hate something so much and with 17 months of being free from it sit here and have any kind of longing....WTF!!! It makes me so angry and so weary..Thats just at this moment mind you...I spent 3 days having a blast at our annual avacado festival...our first because we are new here..There was music, and great food and smokers They were everywhere and they had no consideration for the multitude of children,elderly or non-smokers. I try hard not to be one of "those" ex's....you know the ones who are a$$es to every smoker...but geesh I was literally surrounded for hours a day..and as much as I was hating the smell..subconsciously the sight got under my skin and here I sit tonight wondering why I am having this push/pull feeling...I do not want to EVER go to the dark place again..and I know that I won't go there..but I have not had to fight with feelings like this in so long that I am just dumbfounded...things in my life could not be better so this is not a

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